I returned from Vermont late Tuesday night. I spent the weekend at Toni Stone's home in Fairfax at a Prosperity Training. This was the second in a series of 7 weekend trainings over the next year, every other month. I decided to do this training because my life has been so vitally enhanced by the prosperity tools I have utilized and because of the prosperity coaching I have received over the last 9 years.
I always choose challenge. Even when I say I don't like it in the middle of it, that I am going to be easier on myself next time etc. etc. The work that we did over the weekend didn't seem so challenging on the surface. We made books about our season in the prosperity cycles. We studied Feng Shui together and the Chinese Zodiac. We did needle point, we wrote, we colored. We prepared meals together and we had deep conversations about what is so.
I woke up on Sunday morning in a fit of despair. I felt like I was the most inept person alive, that I cannot even get my life together. I laid in bed for awhile in this "seeming" problem and then decided to get up and begin my chores. I thought if I moved my body, I could move my emotional body as well. I met one of my fellow prosperity practioners in the kitchen, Tim, an electrician and stand up comedian. I shared with him about what I was experiencing. He said, "There is no destination we are trying to get to. We just keep going forward, keep practicing." This helped.
We sat down in the large comfy living room/course room to write and have conversations. I shared my despair about being such a fuck-up. Toni said to the group, "Who isn't a fuck-up here? Who isn't inept?" Well, no one raised their hands. I realized that it doesn't matter, all this stuff that goes on in my head about my experience. That spending time in self concern about what my life is like was keeping me from being fully alive. This experience was ego shattering for me. It drew me away from the mind chatter of what I think I am, back into myself and who I truly am.
A shamanic teacher of mine once said that the mind chatter, the voice that goes on and on in our heads is like the out-breath. Just let it go. As the words, the thoughts float through our consciousness, just allow them to be expelled.
Intuition and inspiration are the in-breath.
In order to breathe in the breath of possibility, we must first breathe out.
May it be in Beauty.
